How to make the best out of a bad situation
Finding out that your man has been sleeping with another woman can be the most heartbreaking thing. Some men will argue that culturally, it is their right to have more than “one” wife, ignoring the pain they cause their partners when they are unfaithful. Polygamy in the 21st century was translated into a situation where men have clandestine affairs on the side. Whatever the reasons, cheating always causes pain. But there are ways to get past it, either by forgiving you man or moving on and starting afresh. Here’s how.
Tell him you’re angry
Choosing to ignore a cheating partner can have deadly consequences especially with the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS. If your man cheats on you, make him realize just how angry you are. Let him know a lame apology and cheap excuses aren’t going to work. Women tend to resort to amateur investigation, scheming and manipulation rather than losing their tempers. That is so wrong. You have every right to be angry and hit – and to sot it! He needs to know that the trust has been broken and that the burden is on him to build it up again.
TIP: Turning your anger inwards is bad for your emotional and physical health. Show him your anger and then let it go.
Let him prove that he is sorry
We know it’s probably as easy as pulling teeth, but you’ve got to get him to talk about it. If he is willing to talk, you are both on the right track. Find out why he did it. You need to discuss this with him in a calm, rational and level-headed manner. See if he accepts responsibility for his actions. Never judge how sorry a man is by his tears, rather focus on his actions. Remember what your mother used to say about crocodile tears? Actions speak louder than words. And the only action that’s worth anything is a clean effort on his part to stop sleeping around. He needs to prove he is sorry – words alone don’t cut it.
Do not turn a blind eye
Everyone deserves a second chance, but if your man is a constant cheater you shouldn’t pretend his two-timing isn’t happening. If you’ve forgiven him a couple times, but he continues cheating, then he doesn’t deserve another chance. The only way to deal with a compulsive cheater is to accept the sad truth so that you can make the best decision for yourself. Some men seem to need to sleep with anything in a skirt. If your man is one of them, do yourself a favour and leave him.
TIP: Be confident and confront him. If you ignore his actions, you will eventually lose your sense of value.
Never stay for the sake of the children
This is a common excuse women give for staying with an adulterer. It’s nonsense. Men who’ve made a career out of cheating will eventually become brazen and careless about it. Serial infidelity is a trait that will affect your children in one way or another as they grow older – boys might become cheaters and girls might grow up believing that this is normal and acceptable behavior from men. The only time you should stay with a man after he has cheated on you is if you truly believe that it is an obstacle you both can overcome.
TIP: if he is genuinely remorseful and you work through it together, it is possible to have a stronger relationship afterwards.
Tit –for-Tat is a stupid game
If your man cheats; it is not the best idea to cheat on him too out of some misguided need for revenge. This is no way to stop a man from cheating. You are being immature by continuing the cycle of hurt and deceit. Admit that you are hurt. Acknowledge that it is normal to want to hurt him as much as he hurt you, but that it is best to either try to forgive him or to leave him.
Hear him when he speaks
Knowledge is power, and the more you know about his cheating habits and patterns, the more you can make a wise decision based on facts and not on your emotions. Listen carefully to what he says when you discuss his affairs. When we’re in love and are desperate for a positive solution, we tend to believe what we want to. Really listen to what he says and watch him while he talks. If he says e likes sleeping with women and cannot resist temptation, that is what he means. It is up to you to decide what to do with that information and if he is really someone you want to be with.
MISS INDEPENDENT
Adultery can be a positive experience if you look at it the right way. Maybe your life revolved around your man and his needs and wants. Maybe you were the one who loved too much in the relationship. Perhaps he didn’t value you as you deserved to be values. Change that immediately. Start living your own life and chase your own dreams. Becoming an independent and ambitious woman will not only give you a boost of self-confidence, it will remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place.
TIP: IT is unhealthy to expect one person to meet all your emotional needs. Spend time with your girlfriends and build other support systems.
MOVING FORWARD
If you do decide to stay with a persistent cheater, you need to consider relationship counseling. You can be counseled by a professional therapist, an older couple, a pastor or even a family member, if your man is a serial adulterer, it could be a sign of a deeper problem – especially when it comes to how he regards women.
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